What's With Wally?

Warblings from Wally David


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Oh! My Aching Knee – Day 1 – I guess it was the right decision.

Wow. I will tell you one thing. There is no wasting time after total knee replacement surgery, that’s for sure.  I’ll skip all the things that fall under the TMI category. You’ll thank me later.

I didn’t get much rest overnight. Vital signs being checked, IV machine beeping all the time, general discomfort, all conspired to keep me up most of night. Around 5:30 I started to fall asleep and in came the parade.
Two Care Assistants/Medical Technicians marched in at 5:45 AM to get me up and out of bed. Getting the t-shirt on was not much of a challenge, save for trying not to pull out the IV line. Getting my shorts on was a different story. I definitely put them on one leg at a time. The right leg as not bad but the left leg. WOW, that hurt. Hauling my ace bandaged-wrapped leg up was murder. But then I had to “skootch” and drag my butt to the edge of the bed. That was much worse.

Next came the walker. I guess the green tennis ball are an add-on for the legs of the walker. My destination was a vinyl covered, fake leather reclining chair. The chair itself is nice and comfy. However, the fact that they required my leg to be propped up with a pillow under my lower calf was causing my leg to be straightened. Oh..the pain. It came from the fact that it was being stretched by gravity. If the knee were up on a pillow then it would stiffen and be much more difficult to get bending later.

Someone is at the door. I’ll be back in a minute; talk amongst yourselves.

Ok. I’m back. The surgeon came in to check on me. He expected the straight-legged position to be uncomfortable. But he told me we did the surgery at the right time. Although I’m “young” at 47 to have it done, he said that it was a “real mess” in there when they opened it up. If I had not had it done now, it would have been over the summer or fall at the latest.

So, despite the pain I’m in right at this moment, I guess it was the right decision.


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Martha Took My MOJO or How I Was Emasculated by Martha Stewart – Part 2

Martha Took My MOJO or How I Was Emasculated by Martha Stewart – Part 2
We eventually were seated and watched the show unfold. Justin Long (the MAC guy) was the big name guest. When he walked out, all hearts skipped a beat because he was so cute. Well, all but mine that is. Did we get to taste the Cajun pasta and lobster they cooked up in Martha’s perfect pretend kitchen? Not a chance.

The woman that made the Balls N Nylons necklace showed us how easy it was to make them. But the best part was when we went to collect our goodies. We got the book from the Balls N Nylon chick and the wonderful canvas tote from the generous folks at J.Crew. And what was inside the tote? Hold onto your hats kids; a single, lonely, bottle of J.Crew watermelon nail polish. Watermelon is so not my shade, for sure.

We left the Martha studios but had one stop to make. That stop would put the final nail in the coffin of my masculinity.  For anyone that has ever seen the popular TV show, Project Runway, Mood Designer Fabrics should ring a bell. Mood is the de facto supplier of fabric and trim to the designer contestants on the show. Since we were so close by, Sara wanted to make the pilgrimage to the Mecca of the fabric world.

Sara and I trekked the 12 blocks up town, up the rickety old elevator, complete with the equally rickety old elevator operator, to the third floor. Out we spill and there it was: MOOD. Angels sang, harps played sweet music, doves flew. Sara, I thought, was going to cry. Me, I was ready to die.

I was forced to sit at a table near the door within the first five minutes. Not by the very nice guy at the front entrance. Sara made me go sit there because I was imitating the homosexual “chaperone” of the designers on Project Runway, Tim Gunn. Actually, I do a pretty good Tim Gunn impression, however, it was embarrassing Sara to no end. So I was banished.

My time at the front door allowed me to see the parade of different types of people that frequent Mood. Students from the nearby Fashion Institute of Technology and the Parsons New School of Design, Orthodox Jewish ladies, professional garment industry people and tourists followed each other through the door.

According to Don, the front door guy, they get between 7,500 and 8,000 people crossing their threshold on an average day. He told me business took off after Tim G and the Project Runway people starting running amok among the miles and miles of fabric. I know I heard voices of a few other tourist husbands imitating Tim Gunn from, arising from deep within the bowels of the fabric racks. Poor souls.

I was now completely emasculated.

To Be Continued